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atphodgkiss
Dec 31, 20251 min read

Bye 2025....Here's to 2026

So that's another year gone. It's been a rollercoaster of a year. It's always difficult because Aria isn't here by my side. But what's ok is I'm another year closer to Aria. When you are faced with grief you don't realise what you go through. Yes, you cry and try and live a normal life.....but nothing is normal. Since losing Aria 3 years ago I have put on over 2 and a half stone in weight. So, in July I decided to losing some of the weight. I'm over 2 and a half stone in and

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Sep 28, 20252 min read

Trying to live without her....

Days are hard. Every day I talk to Aria. I touch her urn. I always talk to her. I touch her photo every morning. I kiss her urn every...

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Jun 28, 20251 min read

I'm not sure how much more I can deal with

Honestly, I have had enough. How much bad luck can one person get. I've had enough. How am I suppose to deal with all this. Just how? So,...

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Mar 8, 20252 min read

Life is so hard

Today I wanted to look at Aria iPad. It hasn't been touched since around November 2022. She was the last to touch it and use it. It won't...

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Feb 4, 20251 min read

When life carries on but you can't....

I don't know where to start. I have been ok....but now I feel stuck. Since we lost Aria is feeling like I'm stuck whilst the world...

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Dec 31, 20242 min read

The end of 2024

As we all leave 2024 behind and enter 2025 things haven't changed much. The house is very quiet and I just try and and take one day at a...

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Nov 30, 20242 min read

2 years

At 12.33am on the 1st of December Aria has been gone for 2 years. These 2 years have been the worst ever. They have been a blur. I don't...

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Oct 23, 20242 min read

I don't think I'm doing so well

I don't think I'm doing so good at the moment. I'm really struggling. I'm finding it so hard even going to the supermarket. Seeing all...

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Oct 4, 20241 min read

Time makes things worse

I hate how I feel. I feel like I'm in pain all of the time. It doesn't matter how hard I try, the pain is still eating me away from the...

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Sep 26, 20241 min read

Time just makes things worse

I honestly feel that time is making things worse. I feel so far from Aria it really hurts. I just need a hug from her. It hurts so so...

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Sep 14, 20241 min read

Feelings don't change

I don't really think that others really understand the pain of losing a child, unless they have lost one. I totally get that. I didn't...

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Sep 8, 20241 min read

Why?

Why is always the question I ask. Why did this happen? Why my Aria? Just Why? It's something nobody can answer. Noone can answer why it...

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Aug 30, 20241 min read

Why does this hurt so much?

Evenings are the worst time for me. It's when we would be getting Aria ready for bed and settling her down. But, these days the emptiness...

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Aug 28, 20241 min read

Are things better.....nope 😔😭

I really wish I could be saying that things are better and I feel ok. But I feel worse or the same. We had our grandson here with us for...

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Aug 19, 20242 min read

I feel like I want to scream

I just hate this. That's all I can really say. I just keep repeating myself, over and over. The pain I'm in is horrible, I wouldn't want...

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Aug 8, 20241 min read

I'm struggling

I am struggling so much. I just want life to go back to how it should be. Not how it is. I cry a lot. I miss Aria every day. It really...

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Jul 18, 20242 min read

I feel like I'm going mad 😞

I really feel like I'm going mad. I don't feel like me at all. I'm that numb on antidepressants that I am just about functioning. Is this...

 
 
 
atphodgkiss
Jul 13, 20241 min read

19 months and still no better

I hoped things would have been better by now. It's been 19 months since we lost Aria. I feel like it's day one. I've been back to the...

 
 
 
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