I still feel like I'm going crazy. It's been 21 months without her. My bones ache for a cuddle from Aria. It still hurts so much. I cry so much, some days I can't cry because I've cried so much. I hate this. I hate how it's made me as a person. It doesn't get any better. I still feel so alone.
On Thursday I found a lump. I'm so scared. It's in my groin. I'm waiting for a ultrasound scan. But, you know how long it takes on the NHS. They are under staffed and have long waiting times. It just makes me worry so much. It takes me back when we had to fight so hard for Aria to have a MRI scan. Then look what happened. I am so scared. I am lost again. I don't have anyone I can do really talk to. I feel like I'm going on at my husband and I don't want to tell him everything all of the time. He has enough to worry about.
All I want is for us to be happy. To have a happy ending. To have positive news. To have happiness. That's all I've ever wanted. It's just so difficult. All we have seemed to have in the last few years is negative and sad news. One after the other. How much can a person deal with ? I am really getting to the end of my tether. It's so difficult to keep positive every day, because my life, well our lives is just so difficult and so sad all of the time.
I wish I had a magic wand. I could go back to when Aria was born and enjoy that time again. She made us happy. She kept us going, now.....I'm not sure what I have to keep me going every day....it's so tough.....I hate it 💔
Comentarios