I don't think I'm doing so well

I don't think I'm doing so good at the moment. I'm really struggling. I'm finding it so hard even going to the supermarket. Seeing all the Christmas toys etc and thinking what Aria would have liked. Seeing other children running around and being happy. Knowing my little girl is no longer here.

I see a lot of Aria in our grandson. I love being with him and seeing him so happy. But, when he's gone back home I cry so much. Only in front of my husband. I miss her so much. It's actually getting so much harder being here without her. I'm struggling more this year than I have ever done.

I've been back to the doctor's and I'm on the max antidepressants that I can be on. I feel numb, well most of the time. I did say to the doctor that this is the only way I can cope at the moment, is to feel numb. I'm just so scared.

I have managed to book Christmas off at work. Because I know I'm going to be mess. I'm a mess now. I just feel horrendous and hopeless. I'm so scared what the next fews weeks and months will bring.

I'm really trying to be positive and ok, but it's so hard. I just end up crying. I'm crying more and more every day. I cried at the supermarket the other day. Someone asked me if I was ok, I just smiled and walked away. How silly am I?

Will this very get any better? It will be 2 yea on the 1st of December this year. We are at home, maybe that's what's making me feel more in edge. As we have been away the last 2 Christmases.

I just want her back. I just need to hold her and hear her again 😭 😭 😭