I don't really think that others really understand the pain of losing a child, unless they have lost one. I totally get that. I didn't understand the pain until it happened to me. It's soul destroying. It's a pain you don't won't anyone to have to feel.
I don't think my husband really understands how I am feeling. He is also going through this. But, as we are 2 different people we are dealing with this differently. I am so lost. I feel like one minute I'm ok then bang, I'm in tears. I can't control it. I've asked for help, nothing works.
I've tried to take to my husband. He just says I wish I could help. The last 2 days I feel like I'm going mad. I'm just crying all of the time. I look at Arias pictures on the wall and cry. I look at her things, I sit in her room and I cry. I mean I cry every day, but this is really crying. I can't stop crying. Painful crying. I hate it. It won't get Aria back. Nothing will. Nothing will bring her back. That's the most difficult part of all of this.
I'm just not coping. I hate this. I just feel like screaming, like crying all of the time. How do I carry on ? How do I manage this? Just how? It's been 21 months and the hardest month, which is December is coming. I'm so scared, this will be the 1st at home. Everywhere will be so Christmas, which Aria loved. I just can't do it. I just can't.
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