Time just makes things worse

I honestly feel that time is making things worse. I feel so far from Aria it really hurts. I just need a hug from her. It hurts so so much. I don't think anyone really understands how I feel. I think if you've been through it and you are a mum, then you will know exactly how I feel. I feel lost, I feel alone, I feel broken, I just feel low.

I hate how I feel. Even drs have said to me, that I am at the max of the dose of antidepressants I am on. I want to feel numb, I want to feel able to carry on each day and not wanting to walk off a cliff ( I won't be doing that, just a way of explaining how I feel).

I am worried, it's been 22 months since Aria grew her wings. Yet I feel it's been years. I am miserable without her. I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I want to stop feeling so rubbish each day. I want to me again.

How can I do this? How can I be me again? When I've lost Aria. I just need her to hug me again. To be able to hold her and talk to her would be amazing.....I am lost and I feel horrendous