I hoped things would have been better by now. It's been 19 months since we lost Aria. I feel like it's day one. I've been back to the doctor's and my antidepressants have been increased. I don't know if it's because of the meds or it's because I still feel worse than ever. I miss her every single second of every day. I miss everything. I miss having everyone at home and cooking for them all. Now I feel so alone. My older kids have there own lives, we should have a 6 year old running about. Yet, I am alone most days. I work and come home to a empty house. I hate it. I hate the quietness. Some people might enjoy this, but I hate it. I should have a house full of laughter, full of mess and full of everyone. Yet it's empty. I hate this.
People think once you loss your child and you grieve them that's it. But, there is so much more to it. It's so complicated. When will this pain ever subside. I feel the pain is eating me from the inside out. Nothing makes it better. I feel like I am in my own bubble and I am drowning in the pain.
I just wish things were better and Aria was by my side holding my hand 😠ðŸ˜
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