2 years

At 12.33am on the 1st of December Aria has been gone for 2 years. These 2 years have been the worst ever. They have been a blur. I don't remember much to be honest. But, I know for sure I have been in the most pain ever.

I've been back and forth to the doctors to try and sort my anti depressants out. It's taken a while, but finally they are working as I want them to work. I am numb. I don't think. Thats the only way I can function at the moment.

There are times. Where I brake down and cry. I really cry. I miss my little girl. She was only 4 years old. She had the rest of her life in front of her. I miss everything about her. She was my shadow.

My life has been turned upside down. One minute I had a full house and I didn't stop. Now, I don't have anyone. I go to work and I am on my own most of the time. I really hate it. I should have a 6 year old looking forward to Christmas.

I am really trying hard with Christmas. I'm trying for my family's sake. I really don't care. I'm happy to be left alone and not bother. It's so difficult. I hate it. I can honestly say that I hate my life at the moment.

I had a wonderful family and 4 beautiful children. I still have a wonderful family. But as they are all grown up they don't need me like they used to. I feel useless and alone. Most days I feel like screaming.

I hate everything about what's happened. I have gone into my shell and hide away from the world. I go to work and go home. I can't face anyone. I can't pretend that I am ok with everyone. I fed up of saying I'm ok. When I am not. I feel like I'm screaming on the inside. This is 2 years on.

Why my little girl? Why my Aria? I hate my life so so much 💔 💔 💔