I am so fed up at the moment. People arguing over petting things....losing there temper....for what?? I don't have my baby with me. She died 19 months ago! I should be the one that's shouting at others.
I really enjoy working. But, I am fed up of listening to the bickering, the moaning. They should be greatful for what they have. I have lost the biggest part of me. I am suffering, but I get up every day and keep going. I try and be positive most of the time. But, it gets to me once in a while. I break. I am breaking now. I am sat on my bed in tears. I am most of the time writing these. I am talking to Aria, wishing she was here with me. So I can hold her and look after her. It's so hard without her. I hate it.
It doesn't get any easier, I feel it's getting harder. As I am 19 months away since I held her last. Since I was able to hold her and kiss her. I hate my life. I really do. People say,how lucky I am to have my grandson. But, what they failed to see and understand isy daughter isn't here. I am not lucky at all. She should be here being a "normal" 6 years old.
I am also feeling that everyone is starting to forget about Aria. I just feel like the world has kept going and I am on pause. I just need her with me. It's so unfair. I think part of me died when she died.
My nightmares stopped when we moved house, but they are back. They are more vivid and stronger. I'm really trying, but it's just so difficult with her 💔💔
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