You think you are ok and bang....you're not ok 😭

It's so hard to try and deal with each day. I can be doing something and bang I'm crying. Like today we were watching the TV and the news came on. It was talking to a family in Gaza and the next minute I'm crying my eyes out. There was a brown eyed girl aged around 3 or 4 who was crying her eyes out because of all the bombing. It just got me thinking, that could be us. That could have been Aria.

It doesn't matter how hard I try and stay positive I cry. I cry because I no longer have her here with me. I cry because my days are empty without her. Life is so unfair. But, not just for me. For a lot of people in the world right now. My husband said to me the other day, he wouldn't want to bring a child into this world what with everything that's happening. Yet, I know this is true. But, I would do anything to have my beautiful girl back. To save her. To cherish her for the rest of my life.

I always have these questions in my mind, but I can never answer them.

• What would Aria be like today?

• How am I suppose to live the rest of my life and be happy, knowing she isn't with me?

• How can I carry on?

• Will this pain every end?

• How can I laugh and smile, when I know she is not here?

• How can I be happy again?

• Will I ever know she is ok?

• Will the tears ever stop?

• Will the pain ever stop?

• Just how???

These are just a few that go around my head every day.....and the biggest question is why my Aria? Just why?