I often ask why? Why my Aria. Why did she have to have a terminal brain tumour. I would trade places with her. I wanted her to have a wonderful life and to grow up to be an amazing woman, just like how I watch her sisters grow into amazing women. Also her brother into an amazing man.
I try not to cry in front of my family. They don't need to see me like this. I cry in my room and on my own. I ask why? Why my Aria? Why her? She did nothing wrong.
Now all the memories from this time last year are popping up on my phone it's killing me to see how she was and how she is no longer here with us.
I am trying so hard to fight this grief but sometimes I just want to curl up and sleep and hope that this is a big nightmare. I wake up and she's ok and here with me. Selfish I know, but boy it's better than this pain I'm in. I feel like I'm in a dark cloud 24/7. That there is no break from it. If I go out (rarely do) I see children her age and I smile. But, inside it's killing me. It's eating me up. Why are you allowed to be happy and be ok? When I have to live in this constant pain of guilt, worry and anxiety. Is there any way out of this?......No.....I feel so lost and just wish I had my little girl here with me.
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