Why is this so hard? I am finding this path that I am now on very very hard. It hurts so much. I talk to Aria every day, I cry for her every day. I look and touch her things every day. Yet this isn't enough. I will never understand why my child had to die. Why she had to leave us. Like I've said before one thing I've learnt from Aria. Is I no longer need anything. I'm happy in my leggings and top. I'm happy at home. I'm happy with all her things around me. I don't need anything. The one thing I really need I can't have. I can't have Aria.
Eleven months on and this is still as hard as it was in December 2022. What's not great is the memories that comes up on my phone from this time last year. Aria looked so ill. But she still smiles through it all.
Aria's last 3 days was spent in our bed. She was on my side when she passed away. I cry most nights as this is where I sleep...we'll try and sleep. Yep, Aria passed away on my side of the bed. This haunts me. That I couldn't save her. That she is gone. That I can't hold her. I am angry along side the tears. I hate this. The flashbacks are real and painful. The pain is painful and very real.
I feel uslee and very much a failure. I couldn't save Aria. I couldnt save my baby girl......this hurts 💔💔💔💔
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