Today I went to see the doctor

Today I went to see the doctor. 2 issues, one was I am not coping and the other I'm not sleeping. Well I haven't slept properly since May 2018 when Aria was born. Now I can't sleep because I over think and I have nightmares of when she passed. I wake up crying and sweating so much, it's hard to get back to sleep.

The doctor agrees that my antidepressants should be put up, which I was happy about. She said I could have meds to try and allow me to sleep. But, like I said I've had them before and it's not worked. She prescribed some strong sleeping tablets. I can only use when I am not due in work. Which is really hard. I will try but I don't want to be a zombie.

It's such a hard balance. I've tried so many things to get me to sleep. Herbal, reading, medication, white noise etc. you name it, I've probably tried it. No sleep sucks! Like today in work, I was exhausted and really shouldnt be there. But, I managed it. I did my 6 hrs and then went to see the Dr.

I really hope the antidepressants help me, as I am really struggling. All I do is cry, I feel I'm back at day 1 of losing her. It's not fair on my family especially my husband, who has to put up with this. I really try and explain to him, but it's so difficult for him to understand.

I'm Arias mam, I'm missing out on so much. She is missing out on so much....it so unfair.

Cross fingers for me please, I could do with some luck please 🤞