Today all I've done is blame myself for Aria passing away. I should have done more. I should have saved her. I'm her mum, she should be here. It's my fault most probably that she has DIPG and she died because of it and because of me. I hate myself. It's been nearly 18 months since she passed away. It doesn't get any easier. The antidepressants help make me numb so I can do normal day to day things. But,I don't feel anything can really take away the pain of not having my beautiful baby girl with me.
I'm so fed up of being told she is still with me. But, I know people are being kind. But, honestly, how could you live without your arm, your eye, your leg etc....it would be so difficult. Yes, you would carry on but the loss would be huge. It's something like that x100.
It's a day we're all I want is Aria. I just want to do the "normal" things with her. Take her to the zoo, take her swimming, take her to the shop. I can't, I physically can't do the "normal" day to day things. I hate it.
People tell me to think of the positives in my life. I do, believe me I do. But, deep down I'm screaming. All I want is my beautiful Aria back. Happy and healthy and just being her.
Life is so cruel, I hate my life. It's depressing and there is a lot of sadness is. Nothing will make it better....nothing. I hate it.ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
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