I hate how memories makes me cry more than I have ever cried. Today I saw memories from last year, when we took Aria to the Christmas party. She was very ill, but we thought she would be ok. The next day she started to decline and three days later she passed. All this is back in my mind and I am reliving each day again.
All I've done is cry. I've got to a point and I can't cry,because Ive cried so much. I feel the pain. It sits in my chest and in my throat. Like anything can trigger it off. I can be in the car and I'm crying. I can be anywhere. The tears are painful and hot.
Some days I just want to lie in my bed and hold Arias pillow. We have it in our bed. The one which she slept on when she came into our bed. I just want to lie in my bed and hold it. It doesn't smell of her anymore. But, I feel close to her holding it. Silly I know. But, this is all I have now. I no longer have her to hold and cuddle. I really wish I did. This really hurts. It's the worse pain anyone could ever go through.
I just want my little girl back. I want to watch her grow and be healthy and happy ....I really want this nightmare to end please.
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