I have my ups and downs days. Mostly down recently. Like the other morning. I woke up had my usual chat with Aria. Then went to the bathroom. I came back to my bedroom to get ready for work and bang it hit me. For a split second I forgot she was gone. Then it hit me. She would have wanted her usual biscuit and juice before her breakfast and school. She would have been watching her TV. But, she wasn't there anymore. She couldn't tell me what she needed. I cried. I cried a lot. This was all before 7.30am.
Then I had to put my "I'm fine" mask on so I could go to work. I took my anti depressants and my anxiety medication (like I do every day) and I had to carry on. Did I want to go out if the house, no. But, I made myself leave. I know I have to keep going. Not only for Aria but the rest of my family.
It's so hard to keep going. It's like I have something inside me eating me up. It's always there. It never goes. Aria was my shadow, my best friend. She was the final piece to our family jigsaw. Our family isn't the same without there. I feel like there is something missing, that something being Aria. She made everything ok. She made dark days brighter.
I know it's hard for others to understand. I try not to share this on a daily basis with other (face to face). Or I would end up crying. The tears are always there, they are never far away. I can always feel them, just sitting there. It's like they are waiting to explode. It's so unfair.
I wish things were different. But I am another day closer to my beautiful little girl 💜💜💜💜💜
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