This pain is unreal....it hurts so much

I don't know where to start or what to say. I just need my baby back. This pain I'm feeling is ripping me apart. I cry so much for her. Wanting her here with me, wondering what she would be like nearly a year on. Hoping I can hold and kiss her again.

I can't explain the pain I'm in, it just eats you up. All I've done today is cry. I'm angry to. That she had to die. Why my Aria? Why did she have to have this awful monster. Hoping she would be ok and would be with us forever. Yet for some reason I have to live with this pain forever. Probably never to be happy again. I haven't been truly happy since losing Aria. She made everything ok. She made the bad days ok. Now every day is a bad day.

No matter how much I talke about all of this, how many tablets I take this pain is ripping though me. It eats me up. I scream inside wanting my baby here with me. I watch her video back and I cry in pain. Pain of knowing she is never coming back. That I couldn't save her, that noone could.

I watched her take her last breath and that haunts me every day. Knowing I never could see here again or hold her again. I hate this.

I HATE YOU DIPG......I HATE YOU 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔