This doesn't get any easier!

Every day is so hard. Getting the motivation to do something is so hard. The days gets harder not easier. I am surrounded with Arias things, her toys, her clothes etc. Yet I feel so far away from her. I feel like she has been gone for years not nearly 11 months.

I am having a lot of headaches recently. The doctors have said it's down to stress and grief. There isn't a lot they can do. I feel like a zombie most days as I just done sleep very well. I re play the final moments over and over in my head. I don't hardly go out unless I need to. I don't want to face anyone. I tend to stay in the house a lot. A lot of people have said I need to get out and get fresh air and speak to people. But, I don't have anything to say. They ask how I am , and most of the time I say I'm fine. Which really am not. But, who really wants to really know how I'm feeling. It's not like they say, how are you? I say back, well to be honest I'm not good. I'm drowning in grief, I hardly sleep, my headaches are a nightmare and I feel so down all the time. I'm so fed up that there is nothing can make it better. I know Aria can't be brought back but I'm am misrable. Do people really want to know this when they ask me how are you? No I don't think so. So, I fake it. I put my mask on and I'm fine. Hence why I don't go out....I don't have the energy to be honest for anyone. I don't have the energy for me at the moment. I would be happy just to be left alone all day every day....it's a sad world I live in.....I just know it is 😭😞😭