I'm feeling more and more down about losing Aria the last few days. There is no reason to it, other than I miss her terribly. I sit in my bedroom and look at her urn and cry. I sob. She should be here. How long does I have to be without her ? The pain is unbearable. I am trying so hard to keep positive, but it's so difficult.
I see posts online about parents who have lost children 5 plus years ago. I think, wow, how on earth are they still surviving. I'm bearly keeping it together now. It's only been nearly 14 months. I cry every day. I want to scream, why my Aria. Why did she have to die? How can I carry on without her? It's so painful. Every day I know I am a day closer to being with her. But, it's not coming quick enough.
All I ever wanted was for my little girl to be able to grow up and be everything she wanted to be. But, she got as far as 4.5 years old and she had to leave me. No parent should have to go though this. This is why I try and write down how I feel on here.
My antidepressants that I take help take away the pain for most of the day. But by about 3pm I am a mess again. I just want to hold Aria and be with her. Listen to her laugh and making her jokes. She is and was amazing. Why my Aria? Why couldn't she be here. Why couldn't I be here mummy for her life and not for the amazing 4.5 years I had with her. Life is so unfair.
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