I find every day hard. But, recently it's the normal day to day little things that are making me cry even more than ever.
Like, I miss washing her clothes. I have her toothbrush hanging up with the rest of us, I cry seeing it not being used. Not being able to put her to bed and not having her burst in our room in the morning. Missing her helping me with tea or asking for a "bechdan" (buttered piece of bread). I miss being able to take her out and showing her say to say thing. I have her plates, cups and cutlery still in the draws and cupboards. This doesn't affect me at all. I feel comfort in this. I still have her coats and shoes were we keep them. This also brings me comfort.
I think it's hard for others to understand. Some tell me to seek comfort with my husband and my other children. I do, but it's not the same. Try and think it from my point of view. Like one minute you have a 4 year old child there and you are living day to day. Then, bang! You have to live without that child. It's so difficult! I hate it.
I just wish things were different. We are moving soon. Aria will have her own room. Which I am happy about, but the sorting out is killing me. I am finding a lot of Aria things. It's made me cry today. I always cry, but today has been very painful 😣
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