I knew today would be a not so good day. I woke up to tears. I woke up to a nightmare of replaying Arias last moments with us. So, I knew it was going to be a bad day. Some days are worse than others. But, when you wake up to this it's hard to get out of. I try so hard every day to get though each day, as it gets me one day closer to holding Aria again.
I saw it came up on my memory that 3 years ago today, Aria finished her first batch of radiotherapy. This made me cry. Because, I had Aria. I could hold her. I really wish I could hold her again.
This is such a heartbreaking journey I am now on. I know Aria is free from pain, which I am so so happy about. I just wish it was different. I wish she was free from pain here with us. I wish I could hear her laugh again and hear her running towards me, going mama look....I hate this. I just wanted a family and to be happy........but I'm not happy. I am in a dark place and I hate it....I just want my baby back ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
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