I find it very hard to live with my grief every day. It doesn't matter who I see something always triggers me back to Aria.
I am suffering with very bad nightmares at the moment, well I say at the moment....they have never left me. I have nightmares of when Aria passed away. It wakes me up and I am crying my eyes out. I think it's PTSD.
Grief hits you from all sides. You may be ok one minute then it you are crying your eyes out. I don't go out a lot. I tend to go to a to b and back home. I find it so hard to be with other people. As all I want to do is cry.
I've talked a lot to my husband about December and how I wish I could sleep for the month. It will be a year since Arias passed and Christmas. She loves Christmas but we as a family can't face it.
We will have her Christmas dinner on the 12th of November but we really don't want to do anything else. If I could be taken away or put to sleep for that time it would make things a lot easier. I just can't face it. I hate this life now..and Hate is a strong word. But there is no joy unfortunately because all my joy left when Aria left.
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