Just why?

I find myself asking this a lot. Just why? Why my little girl? Why my Aria? Am I that horrible of a person. Why couldn't we have watched her grow up? Am I being punished for something I did? Just why?

I see people and hear people talk about their children. It lovely to see and hear. But, it does hurt. A piece of me breaks away every time. I don't show this in public, I hide it until I get home. They get to watch their children grow up and be happy. I don't get to watch Aria grow. I don't get to see her in her first Christmas show, her 1st anything really. As she is no longer here. She died. She is no longer here .....that hurts.

For some reason today has been very tough. I work, yep. I get through the 6 hrs a day, but as soon as I am home the waterworks start. I cry because I start to think about Aria, the what would she be doing now if she was here, what would she be into, how would she be and what would she look like. It's been 14 months, I feel like I am living in a nightmare. I just can't seem to wake up from it.

I just wish she was here and I could be happy 😭