Just grief.....

It's so difficult to try and cope each day. I've done well the last few days. I haven't cried so much. At the moment I feel angry. Angry I didn't save her. Yes, I know Dipg is impossible to overcome, but I wanted Aria to live. She deserved the live, to be a little girl. Now she is an angel. Yes she is free. But, I can't be there for her. Like I used to be. I can't be her mummy ......I know I will always be her mum. But, it's so hard. I see others with there children and feel so jealous.

At the moment, I can't see children who are ill or passed away. It upsets me a lot. I cry. If I see a post on social media. I cry watching the TV. At the moment. I'm hiding away. Hiding from the "normal" day to day things. Grief hits you in so many different ways.

All I ever wanted was for us to be a happy family. I feel we are way out from this now. Aria made us happy, she completed our jigsaw. Now we will always be missing that piece, the jigsaw will never be complete.

In a week's time it will be a year since we lost Aria. I am not looking forward to it at all. All I would like to do is skip that day and sleep. It's horrendous.

I would do anything to have Aria back. I still blame myself, I still tell her how sorry I am. I always will. I miss her more than anything. 😭😭😭😭