As we approach the 1st of December it's so difficult to know what the right thing to do is. Yes we will always remember Aria. Others have asked me if we will be holding a memorial service for her? I'm not sure. It's so overwhelming. It really hurts. Can I set foot back in the church again. The last time was Arias funeral. I don't think I can. Yet I know others want to remember her....what to do? I don't know.
I have spoken to my husband about this and he thinks we should do something..but, he isn't sure either.
I hate this. I want Aria to be here and we don't have to worry about all of this. This time of year will always be so difficult. She loved Christmas. It was her time of year. But, it's so hard to celebrate this without her. We have talked a lot today about her. I have actually managed to talk about her and not cry. Which is amazing.
I have cried. I just want my baby back. I want to do everything with her again. Yet, I know I never will. How can I be ok knowing this ?
As I sit here writing this, I am looking at Arias urn. She has everything around her. So she is never alone. She is always talked to and always, always loved.
I still apologise to her every day. I should have saved her. I brought her into the world, so I should have saved her. I will forever think this. My baby should be here.
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