It's so hard to live each day without Aria. I had a C-section with her. I look at my scar and cry. I still have that but I don't have her. She should be here. She was only 4.
All I've done today is cry. I've wept. I've screamed. I've cried and cried. I wish all of this never happened. How am I going to carry on without her. This really hurts.
Yes I have other children. But, they don't need me like she needed me. They have there own lives. They are older. I just want my baby back. She was only 4.
Nothing helps this hurt. Nothing helps take it away. It sits under my skin. Waiting to come out. Waiting to pounce. It's horrible. I can't focus on anything. I don't want to be around anyone..but when they are here I put my mask on. I cry alone. I scream alone. She was only 4.
It's not the same. I know I keep being told she is my angel. But I can't hold her, I can't see her, I can't kiss her.....I can't do anything. I know this must be because it's coming up to a year without her. But all I can think of is I feel so far away from her now more than ever. I keep looking at her urn, I hold her urn, I touch her urn....but it's not the same. She was only 4.
I hate this. I don't know what to do? I feel like I'm sinking....quickly...I feel so alone ðŸ˜
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