I feel it's amazing how your brain and body protects you when you are dealing with grief.
I drop something a minute ago and I thought " shhh, I need to be quiet or I will wake Aria up". Then the horrible reality hit me. But, I feel the warmth in all of this. How my mind automatically thought of Aria. How I couldn't wake her up as she would be sleeping. For that split second I felt at ease and warm again. Like how it used to be.
The reality is, that what I miss. The normality of day to day life. The waking up with her, running around with her and for her. Doing everything she wanted me to do. As that's what a mam should be doing. Looking after her children. Now I feel my days are darker and less important.
It's so difficult to explain to others how things are. How things have changed so much. How I ache to go back to how things where. There is a massive hole missing in my life. Like a part of me has disappeared and I'm aching for that part to come back. Like something is missing.
Yes that thing that's missing is Aria. But, I will never get her back.
I wish I had the answers 💔💔
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