Isn't it amazing how your brain & body protects you?

I feel it's amazing how your brain and body protects you when you are dealing with grief.

I drop something a minute ago and I thought " shhh, I need to be quiet or I will wake Aria up". Then the horrible reality hit me. But, I feel the warmth in all of this. How my mind automatically thought of Aria. How I couldn't wake her up as she would be sleeping. For that split second I felt at ease and warm again. Like how it used to be.

The reality is, that what I miss. The normality of day to day life. The waking up with her, running around with her and for her. Doing everything she wanted me to do. As that's what a mam should be doing. Looking after her children. Now I feel my days are darker and less important.

It's so difficult to explain to others how things are. How things have changed so much. How I ache to go back to how things where. There is a massive hole missing in my life. Like a part of me has disappeared and I'm aching for that part to come back. Like something is missing.

Yes that thing that's missing is Aria. But, I will never get her back.

I wish I had the answers 💔💔