I have always worn a mask in front of others. I've never felt I could just be myself, only with my husband and children. Recently I feel like I'm wearing a mask all the time. Even in front of my family. They ask how I am, I say I'm ok. But really I'm not. I feel like a huge piece of me went when Aria went. A piece of me I can never get back. How do I live like this? I have to. It's the only way to survive. As I think I am just about surviving, we'll sort of. I'm going through the motions each day. Showing other I'm ok, when I'm not. It's exhausting. I am exhausted every day. Do I want to carry on like this? No. I really don't. Do I know when this will end, no idea. It's like living a bad nightmare every day.
As we approach December the 1st it will be a year since Aria passed. It is also my birthday on the 10th of December. Just like last year I have no desire to celebrate it. I have told my family this. Just like Christmas, I have no desire to celebrate..my children as they are older they don't want to either. What's the point? It's suppose to be a day of laughter and joyfull. When really it will be a false day. As there is no joy or laughter here. Aria brought all the joy and laughter we needed now that's been taken away .....there is no way of my getting this back.
So, I think I will have to continue to wear my mask around everyone and say.....I'm Fine 💔💔💔
Hi, long time lurker here! It’s heartbreaking to read your posts, but just wanted to say that even if it doesn’t feel like it now, it will get better. The grief will still be there but you’ll be able to find the joys in life once more.
Please, continue your therapy (do not give up on that!), see if medication helps, keep reading your books and writing your posts. Most importantly, don’t feel guilty about doing things you enjoy. Lots of love to you x