My husband has always been my safe place. Even before all this happened with Aria. But, now more than ever I feel very anxious if I go out or do anything without him. It's such an un easy feeling. I feel totally ok when I'm with him. I know if I get upset he will help me through. Yet when we went out for a meal last night, I felt really anxious. I feel so overwhelmed all I wanted to do was cry.
This has never happened before. I am always ok when I'm around him and out of the house with him. But, after a bit of talking I was ok.
I don't want to be like this anymore. But, I don't feel ok unless I'm at home. This is my safe place. This is where Aria is. It's been nearly a year and I still feel horrendous and anxious most days.
I sing a song that Aria and I used to sing to each other. It helps me through my anxious times. I hate this. I hate that I can't make it better and I hate that she isn't here. I hate the person I've become. This is not me.
I have become someone I don't want to be. When Aria passed I think so did a huge part of me. I don't know how I will get through this. I can only take each day as it comes.
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