Oh how I wish things were different. I really wish Aria was still here. It eats me up that she isn't with me anymore. I will never forgive myself for not saving her. As her mother I should have protected her and saved her. Even up to today I believe I let her down. I apologise for her every day.
Today I was talking to my husband about Aria, like we do most days. But today I was saying how she would have been 6 years old in May. What parent should have to go through losing a child and not being able to celebrate with them their birthday. Yes we will do what we can for her. But, it really not right .
I see posts on social media about children with dipg. I see them declining and then passing away. This makes me so upset as not only do I cry for the child parents but I also cry for Aria. It makes me think of what she went through. What the parents will be going through now and what's to come. Some parents are tougher than others. I am not. I hide away at home. I cry at home. I cry a lot. It hurts. It's been nearly 14 months since we lost her and the pain is still as raw as it was when we lost her. I'm numb with the antidepressants, but I still feel every pain. I still feel the pain of losing Aria, the pain of watching her die, the pain of seeing her in her coffin. This will never leave me. The images haunts me every day. It keeps me in this nightmare. Will I ever get out of this nightmare? Probably not, I will just get used to living in this nightmare as long as ai am here.
But, I am another day closer to Aria. I just wish things were different 💔💔
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