I really don't know how much more of this I can take 🥺

I really don't know how much more of this pain I can take. It's like a lump in your throat, always there. Like you are so near yet you are so far.

Aria is here, all her things are here, yet she isnt here. I am so far away from here. All I ever wanted was for her to be ok. Yet, nothing could save her. She died. How am I supposed to carry on. I am really trying.

I take my antidepressants every morning. I go to work. I have her photo on my desk along side my other beautiful children . I do my job. I come home. I cry. I just need her here. Telling me she is ok. Telling me she is coming home in a minute and I can actually be her mummy. That I don't have to pretend anymore. That I can hear her answer me back when I ask her question. Is that too much to ask?

But, instead I am here sat on my alone. Crying. Looking at her photos and videos. Watching her be amazing at anything she does.

I can't believe she has been gone now for 14 months. It does feel like my heart has been ripped out and it doesn't matter how hard I try it's never going to be while again.

I am trying so hard to be "normal" for my family. I cry alone. I get upset on my own. This way I am not upsetting them. I think my family think I'm ok. But, I feel I am so far away from being ok. What do I do? I really don't know. I've tried counselling, it wasn't for me. My Dr has said this is the last antidepressant really, as I've been on others. I just don't feel me anymore. I just want to cry and hide all of the time. I'm so fed up of putting my 'mask' on every day and looking like I'm ok....I just want my Aria back. I want her here actually with me....that will never happen. This is so hard. 💔