I just want to scream

I really just want to scream. I've finally had the courage to re watch Arias videos. I'm in tears. I know I can never replace these or take any more. As she is no longer here. I am so fed up of feeling like this. Why did my little girl have to die? She was only 4.5 years old. She had her whole life in front of her. I don't know why it has to be my Aria?

I really don't know how much more of this I can take. It's so difficult. It's been 15 months of pure hell. I feel I'm living in hell. I just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. It's so difficult. I feel like I take 2 steps forward and I fly back 10 more steps.

All I keep saying and thinking really is I just want my little girl back. I sit here crying on my own. I just want her back. Life is pure hell.

A lot of people say it will take time. But, how long? How much time? I feel like I am always crying, always thinking why her? Always asking myself what did I do wrong? Always saying sorry to her. I should have saved her, she should be here.

This is hell. It can't be anything else. It's so painful all I want to do is scream 😭