I hate this

I really hate this. I just cry all of the time. I am no good to anyone.

Tomorrow the 20th of December 2023 will be a year since we said our final see you later to Aria. It will bring back so many memories, memories I don't really want to have again. I just want the good memories with Aria.

I sat by her bed tonight and cried. I cried so much for her. I talked to her. I noticed there is still a lot of her hair in her bed. This makes me smile but at the same time I cry. She should be in her bed. She should be here. Why did my little girl have to die? Why?

I still blame myself. I'm her mum. I should have saved her. She should be here. There are times where I wish it would have been me and she could have had her life. She should be here, looking forward to Father Christmas coming with all her presents.

I hate this. I can't get over loosing her. I can't live along side my grief. I'm drowing in my grief. I just want her back. I just want to be her mummy and be able to look after her like I did.

I just need my little girl back please 😭😭