Most days over the last 2 weeks I feel like I am back at day one. The only difference between then and now is I'm feeling more now. I think I was very numb the day after she passed.
I am trying to keep going but I am also struggling. The little things are really hitting hard. Like, the thought of knowing that her clothes in her wardrobe will never get any older. The fact that I will never be washing her clothes again. I won't be buying her different size shoes. The list goes on foever. It's these little things that creeps in that make me sad. I cry so much.
We are definitely moving house. Which is a plus. Because, Aria (bless her) will have her own room. All of her personal belongings will be in one room. Then I can go in there and sit with her and talk to her. Make sure she's ok. To others who haven't been through this, this may sound daft. But, to me, this is my new normal.
I held Aria in her urn today, like I do most days. But, today I held her closer and I cried. This isn't how it's supposed to be. I should be happy and holder her hand. Looking forward to the day with her.
I was hoping the new antidepressants would have kicked in by now, I know it's only been 3 days. So, it's really early days . I need to feel numb. It's the only way I'm going to be able to get through each day that the moment. Otherwise I will break down. I can't be doing this every day. It's no good. I have to be ok for Aria and my family.
I hate this. If I had one wish. It would be for her to be here. For her to live her life and not have to go at the age of 4.5 years old. I really didnt have enough time with her. 💔
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