I can't sleep 😪

I feel so restless recently. I can't sleep. I am living in a nightmare. All I keep thinking is about the last time I held Aria. How I wish she was still here with me. It's been 17 months of hell.

We have moved now. We have a lovely bedroom for her. But all I'm doing is crying when I go in there. I'm sad, because she should be here. She should be so excited because she has her own room. I cry because I miss her. I cry because I'm sad that she is losing out on her life. I really wish she was here.

She turned 6 on the 4th of May. We let go of some balloons for her. Got her a cake and sang happy birthday to her. All I did on her birthday was cry. What's wrong with me?

I feel numb most of the time. But, by this time of night the medication wears off and my feelings come up and I feel like I'm being strangled by them. I hate it! I hate everything about it... I wish there was an answer 💔😭