I feel totally broken. I have good days and bad days. I try and keep going for my family. I miss Aria so much. I've cried a lot today. I'm numb. I know it's this time of year which makes things worse. I just don't understand why it had to be my Aria. Why did she have to die?
I cried the other day driving. A funeral car came past me. It had the same coffin as Aria had and very similar Sunflowers on top. It made me have a huge flash back to Arias final day. It wasn't a nice flash back at all. So instead of breaking down and crying. I sung Aria and my song very loud all the way to where I was going. This helped. It helped me block the negative thought. It helped me cope. I was very shaken up but I was ok.
You neve want to go though seeing this. But, I have to find a way of coping. Yes I will have days where all I want to do is lie on my bed and cry and cry. This is ok. I think I will do this more now, as it's coming up to the day she left us. But, it's ok. I have to learn to try and live with this.
I am broken. Into a million pieces. I will neve find or be able to put all these pieces back together. But, for Aria and my family I have to keep going. I am nearly a year closer to seeing her again. I talk and sing to her every day.
It will neve be ok. I will never be ok. But, for my family I have to keep going.
I love you so much Aria. Mummy is always here and I will never leave you 💜💜
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