Grief is a lonely place....

I have always been a person who prefers her own company. But, honestly grief is a lonely place. I have chosen to be alone all day and to try and deal with what's happening. But, 99% of the time even in a crowded place I feel totally alone.

Grief makes you forget day to day things. Like I have to check if I've locked the house if I'm going out, check that I have switched things off. I often forget what's happening and why I came in a room. Grief also protects you from what's happened. I think our body and mind is an amazing piece of kit. We protect ourselves from what's around us without us knowing. We look after ourselves and take baby steps without us knowing. There are times where I felt like crying but my body won't let me, I then remember a happier time with Aria. We are amazing things, yet we are out worst enemy. We tell others they need to be kinder on themselves, yet we are our worst critic. We say time will heal, but it doesn't. Time is (well I think) my enemy. The more time I feel I am away from Aria the worst I feel yet I want these days to pass so I can be closer to her and get to her quicker. I am wishing my life away.

It's an odd thing..... grief is. It helps but it doesn't. Does talking help? Sometimes. Does writing it down help? Sometimes.

I want to keep writing to show the rawness of what grief does. It's not as black and white and we think. There is a lot of grey in there to.

My grammar and spelling is a nightmare, but this is who I am. I am Mel, a mess, a mam, a wife, a person and most importantly I am human.