Every day feels the same. Yet I think they are very different. Some days I cry a lot other days I cry a few times.
One thing I have noticed recently is how I don't notice others around me. I remember when Aria was ok, I used to worry what other thought of me and us and a family. Now I don't think about this at all. I don't notice the people around me. When I'm driving I don't notice people who are walking outside or the cars or anything. I can drive Paige to school and back and not remember anything that was around me. It's likey awareness has shrunk to what's happening to us as a family. To Aria. As I was driving home, Kate Bush is song came on....singing about swapping places after asking God......that got my attention. Grief does this. It stops the outer layer getting in, it sort of protects me...hope that makes sense. Even when I'm out with my husband, he has to stop me from walking in the road as I am not aware of the cars. It's just so hard.
In a way grief tries to protects you from everything whilst you are trying to "normalising" the grief.
Grief is powerful and it hurts....but at the safe time it protects you from what you don't need to take in day to day.
I miss Aria so so much. The next month will be the hardest ever. I don't know how I will cope, but I know I have to for my family, for Aria 💜💜💜💜
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