Evenings are the worst time

I always feel worst in the evenings. Aria had a routine and I think it was my routine too. Now I don't. I feel like my world has been turned upside down.

I asked my husband the other day,when will this pain ever end....he couldn't answer it.

I think evenings are the worst as my mind goes into overdrive.

I start to over think. I start to cry. I just can't help it. I used to think crying helped, it doesn't anymore. It just makes the pain go away for a tiny bit. Then the nightmares come when I try and sleep. The same nightmare every night. I hate it. I have tried everything....so far nothing works. Then the next day I am exhausted.

It's a viscous circle of guilt, worry, regret and the thought of how much more can I really take....that has crossed my mind a lot.

This is exhausting.....what I would give for one more hug to be able to hear her laugh. Anything really.....I just need my baby back 💔