Can I just sleep please?

I wish I could sleep from now until next January. As from yesterday to December things were horrendous.

We were told our baby girl didn't have long,she fought for 8 weeks. I watched her decline in those 8 weeks. We lost the ability to move, talk and eat. And in the end she passed away.

My birthday is in December but like last year I won't celebrate it. Why? Because what's the point? There is no point. I make a fuss of my other children's birthdays as that's important. I make a fuss on my husband and Arias birthday. I just don't see the point in mine.

We will celebrate by having a nice Christmas meal on the 12th of November like we did last year for Aria as our Christmas day. But we have all agreed we don't want to celebrate Christmas. It's just not the same without her. Even my older children don't want to. The miss her terribly.

I just feel useless as all I do is cry. It will be so hard now for a few months. As I will be reliving last year again....it's like living in hell. I hate it.