As we come up to the last few weeks before the 1st year without Aria....I am already lost and crying more and more. I can be just making tea and the next thing I'm crying. Anything and everything can make me cry. In the next 5 weeks last year Aria left us forever. She took her last breath. This moment haunts me forever. I cry myself the sleep and this memory repeats itself in my head. PTSD, I think so. It just won't go. So I tend to stay awak for hours. Thinking and apologising to Aria for not being able to save her. A mother's guilt. I brought her into this world, she should not have gone through everything she did and she should not have had to die. She was only 4. I'm 42 and have to live with this for the rest of my life....it's broken me to peices. I don't think I will ever be able to put myself back together to how I used to be. I don't think I want to....how can I think of tomorrow when I can't cope with today. It's so hard. I have asked to sleep until next year, it would be so much better.
I hate this so much 😭😭😭😭😭
Wrapping you in the biggest hug Mel ..my heart aches for you ..💜💜💜